(By Alex Gully – 7.11.08)

Starring:  Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric, Jeffrey Wright, Giancarlo Giannini and Judi Dench.

Running Time: 106 minutes.

Director:  Marc Forster.

Writers:  Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade.

Released by:  M.G.M – 31^st October 2008.

Certificate:  12A.

BRIEF SYNOPSIS / REVIEW:

“I think that you’re so blinded by inconsolable rage that you don’t care who you hurt.”

‘M’ (Judi Dench).

Quantum of Solace, explodes onto the big-screen with James Bond, OO7 (Daniel Craig), still raging internally at the suicide – and betrayal -of former lover and double-agent, Vesper Lynd.  Behind the wheel of a gadget-pimped, Aston Martin – in a high-octane, ‘seatbelts, please’ car chase across vertical-drop Italian cliffs – Bond gets straight down to business, followed furiously by agents in bullet-blasting Alfa Romeos. 

This pulsating pursuit sets an early tone for the long awaited sequel to 2006’s Casino Royale, with the twenty-second instalment of cinema’s longest-running saga coming across, extremely well, as more a ‘Bond Re-Bourne’ than a ‘re-boot’, with the franchise welcoming ‘Bourne Trilogy’, ‘Indiana Jones’ and ‘Spiderman’  Stunt Co-coordinator/‘guru’ Dan Bradley to the ’00-family’.

To keep the story fresh in the mind, Quantum does its best to bring you up to speed, continuing – quite literally from the end of its smash-hit predecessor – with the Secret Agent cum modern anti-hero undertaking a mission (more personal than professional) to discover the organisation behind Vesper’s duplicity. 

Ordered by ‘M’ (Judi Dench) to follow a trail to Haiti, Bond soon uncovers the ‘Quantum’ organisation: a secret establishment of powerbrokers bent on profiting from world politics, headed – and overshadowed – by the influential ‘environmentalist’ Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric), who, secretly, is set to support an exiled General’s political seize on Bolivia – for his own devices.

As his assignment – and the truth – unfolds, a ruthless Bond, leaving a trail of death and destruction wherever he seems to go, meets a beautiful, rogue Bolivian Agent, Camille (Olga Kurylenko), also on a personal revenge mission that will take her – and OO7 – to the very edge…..and a final ‘clear the air’ climax. 

Though its story can be a little perplexing on occasion, Quantum of Solace takes the renegade duo (and its audience) – with the help of ‘Royale regulars’, the distrustful Mathias (Giancarlo Giannini) and C.I.A ally Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright) – through various exotic locations, and numerous, fantastic over-the–top stunts, with even more explosions, breathtaking free-falls and ‘aerial dog-fights’ than ever before.

Directed by Marc Forster – the German film-maker behind successful dramas The Kite Runner (2007), Finding Neverland (2004) and Monster’s Ball (2001) – producers M.G.M must have been hoping that another franchise first-timer would bring subtle emotionality – and demons – to Bond’s character that would stand out amid the stunts.  However, this is a Bond that rarely lets anyone in – or anything out – and, at present, fails to match the emotionality and intrigue of his American counterpart of same initials (Ahem).

Nevertheless, this Bond is certainly a Secret Agent for the ‘naughties’ (or is that ‘OO’s’?  Ahem, ahem.), with audiences divided over the portrayal of an exteriorly gruff, cold and, perhaps disappointingly (?), un-emotional Bond.  However, it’s worth keeping in mind that (like the 2005 origin-prequel ‘Batman Begins’, where the Bat ‘earns his wings!’), this is a pre ‘vodka-martini; shaken – not stirred’ Bond, before the ‘lips and quips’ come into action.

Usually a serious drama/theatre performer, Craig – and M.G.M, and their crews – must be given credit for the new interpretation of Bond (even if he does have blonde, spiky-hair and Sid James lines!), with older fans growing, again, with the character, and new fans supporting a British icon, equipped for the modern world, ready to defend ‘Queen and Country’…….and kick Bourne’s Box-Office butt!

An action-packed event that must be seen at the cinema!

RATING:  ‘Quantum So-Ace!’  ‘Double O-Yes!!!’   (4 out of 5)

WATCH THIS IF YOU LIKED:  Casino Royale (obviously!), The Bourne Trilogy, Mission ‘Impossibles’ (if you must?)

       Reviewed by Alex Gully

7.11.08

BASW3

E-mail:  swanny69@googlemail.com

Mob:  07807 373 030

Now, for me, 26 sounds like a good number – a LOW number – I mean, 26 out of 100 sounds good, yeah?  No danger for me, I thinks!  See ya, Doc!   Well, the convo went a bit like this:

DOC:  Your B.M.I’s 26.

ALEX:  Is that alright?

DOC:  Well,……30 is obese.

ALEX: 

Yup, I was speechless – ME? OBESE? NAY, NAY………AND THRICE: NAY!!!!!!!!   So, it was recommended that I take up some exercise – ‘yay!’  I mean, come on let’s be honest here: you’re in bed cwtched up with a brew, agood book perhaps, the heating’s on, your loverlee lady’s next to you……then it’s: ”Sorry, honey – the world of fitness calls: where are my trainers?”  

Who are we kidding?  But guess what…………..I did it!  I ACTUALLY went for a ten-lap jog around my local park yesterday AND I went to a gym last night with the lovely Jen and did some back-aching cardio: WOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

To bring you up to speed (from yesterday’s blog), I was going to keep ’you all’ (?) informed of my attempt to go for a jog and visit the gym – I think I can say I tick all the boxes on that front and, at the moment, I feel pretty good in the body and mind about it (saying that, I’ll probably be whining like a pooch with a boot up its rear tomorrow, eh?  So, if there’s no blog that’s cos my fingers refuse to move after the vice-like grip I had on the rowing machine handle last night!)

The reason for this sudden health kick, I hear you ask?  Well, to be honest and blunt it’s because I’m approximately 14stone (or 90kgs in gym-speaks!) – and that’s 2 and a half stone too much for my bones to lug around all day!)  The thing is, everywhere I go I’m kind of reminded of it, y’know?  Reflections, my jeans are too small, I get serious ‘moob’ actione in ANY t-shirt lighter than a comforting, forgiving black one (which STILL has to be loose on me!), photographs, I get out of breath quickly, blah, blah, blah…..

But, the worst one is, when I go home to south Wales from Bournemouth, I actually get scared of meeting up with friends sometimes because they are all too quick – at some point of the night – to remind me: “Fuck, you’ve been eating well, haven’t you?” or I can spot the odd glance from people at my waistline (who are by no means ‘Slim Jims’ themselves, let me tell you!) who then proceed to nudge someone else and make them aware of it (BECAUSE IT’S SOOO IMPORTANT, ISNT IT???)

The thing is, I used to be very skinny, or slim (‘skimmy?’), growing up  – even to the age of 24/5 I had a great metabolism ‘cos of all the sports I would play.  But then, one day, I just stopped playing football, and going to the gym, and decided to devote myself to the devil’s cordial (Lager!)  I mean, it was good enough for George Best for a while (saying that, he was a footy leg-end, to begin with – and he didnt have the happiest of endings [Hmmmm, message here, anyone???)

Basically, I'm fed up of it all, as you can probably tell, but don't worry - I'm not depressed or anything (or going to do something silly!): I'm just a liitle peed off!  It's like the episodes of Friends when 'Fat Monica's around, y'now? And you look at her face under the layer of 'fat/latex' and you can just make out Courteney Cox's face?  Well, that's what it's like in my world!  I go home to Swansea and I can just see people talking to me and looking 'around' my face, itching, fighting the temptation to say....."You've put a bit of weight on, haven't you?"  I honestly just feel like screaming back: "Well, yeah - I couldn't stay 10 stone for the rest of my life!!!"  (they'd probably think I was too skinny then!)

I have to wonder why it's so important to point that out to someone?  Is it because of the celebrity culture that dominates the most normal of people (even the extreme youths!) who are desperate to wear the same clothes as Kate, or be as skinny as Posh or as plastic and orange as Katie Price?  I mean, cant we just all get along being who we be?  Isn't variety the spice of life?  Don't opposites attract?  Doesn't love conquer all????

Now, I'm quick to point out  here that I'm not being hypocritical:  I'm going to the gym trying to lose weight to get into a targeted 34waist  (from a 36) for Christmas and to live a healthier life for me and my lady!  We're changing our eating plan, going to bed earlier, exercising and walking more so we can have healhier minds as well as bods (sounds corny bollox, I know, but when you get to the grand age of 31 you kind of realise that you really have to take care of yourself because - barring an illness or losing a limb - the weight's just not going to drop off you overnight and the sluggishness and a slower mind isn't good!)

So, today's Tuesday.  My plan is to run every Mon, Weds and Fri and go to the gym every other day (or vice-versa!)  I know it's going to be hard - and sometimes the biggest battle in all this is the mental battle when we have to simply get out of bed, slip into some shorts (start stretching - groan!) and get out there and hit the road!!!

I know you never see a happy jogger but I think the point - or goal - is to be smiling after the weight loss? If I can do this - and lose that weight around my waist, boobs and my chipmunky cheeks - then we can all do this (but only if we want to!)  It's going to be tough (I mean, what meals are there you can have which DON'T have carbs in them [especially after 8 O'Clock in the evening!!!])

I’ll keep you posted.  In the meantime, if anyone ever reads this and fancies a jog around Winton rec, I’ll be the chicken-legged, red faced runner wishing deepdown that I was still in bed!!!

Good luck to us!

Alx

(PS: Jen, I wouldn’t change one thing about you, baby: love you! x)

Glum of face, I relayed the sad news I heard on the radio to a guy in work I know called Jeff who, earlier that day, told me he loved films – it went a little like this…..

ALEX:  Hey, Jeff – you said you liked films, yeah?

JEFF (shrugging): Yeah.

ALEX:  Bad news – Paul Newman’s died.

JEFF : Who?

ALEX (wide-eyed): Paul Newman?

JEFF (frowns):  Wasn’t he a singer?

ALEX (shaking his head):  No, Jeff – he wasn’t a singer!

(I know!)

There aren’t many people that you can feel comfortable, or assured, labelling ‘a legend’ but Newman was certainly – without doubt – a legend in his lifetime.  A former colour-blind serviceman turned method actor, Newman lit up the screen for over fifty years as an undoubted star who never courted publicity but belived in the variety and drama within a role, and exercising his obvious crafted talent.

Headlining in films such as Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, The Hustler, Somebody Up THere Likes Me, The Verdict The Colour of Money and The Sting on his resume, Newman worked with screen legends such as Elizabeth Taylor, Jackie Gleason, George. C. Scott, Robert Redford, Steve McQueen, Robert Shaw, Kevin Costner and Tom Cruise, and with the finest Directors and Writers of the generation.

I was introduced to Newman’s work by my Dad at a young age with films such as The Towering Inferno and the beautifully crafted Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid.  However, as a film fan will tell you, a film – any film can ‘hit’ (or throw a suprising sucker-punch!) and leave a bruise that’ll last a lifetime – and, for me, the real Newman film to leave a mark on me to this day is the ice hockey comedy Slap Shot. 

A real sports enthusiast, Newman must have loved playing the role of Reggie Dunlop, Coach of the ailing, under-achieving NHL team the Charlestown Chiefs.  The film is a romp of conflicts (sporting and romantic) and doesnt scrape on the blood, language violence and, at times, real intensity – however, the film is packed with laughs and good match sequences; backed with a good script that does its job and doesnt take the film, and its premise, too seriously.

The film may not be up to many people’s liking, but, for me, it was always Newman’s personality and style (perhaps that look in his eyes?) – combined with the character’s audacity and ingenuity – that comes through and brings Dunlop alive, making the role believable and the one that leaves a bruise - and a mark on my funny bone – to this day.

Newman was a family man, married for over fifty years with many chidren,  a racing driver, business man and a philanthropist of immeasurable influence and respect.  Sometimes in life we only miss people and things when they have gone – and I suppose I have to agree with that – but Newman’s efforts in life will echo around the world through his death (I know everyone has their flaws, but it kind of makes me think what we could achieve – and do for each other - if we just…..try!)

Therefore, as a ‘budding Scriptwriter’, I’m going to make an effort and remember Paul Newman as he was in my favourite films, from a time when films, as he said, were made basically because they were good stories and good scripts, with good actors, crews and locations and because these stories had to be made well and told properly - and not made for a summer blockbuster, or to budget restraints and the strictest of deadlines just to make money.

Call me ‘old fashioned’, but I kind of like that – after all,  like Paul Newman himself,…..’ they dont make ‘em like they used to!’

Rest in Peace, ‘Fast Eddie’, ‘Butch’ and ‘Reggie’ – God Bless…..and thanks!

See you on the screen -Always!

Alex.

(PS: Jeff, if you ever read this – you were thinking of Gary Newman of The Human League…..you plum!)

Yeah, it’s that time of year that us, the fortunate students, have to start blogging – of course, it’s a requirement of the degree but, do you know what…..It’s really not that bad an idea!  I mean, I’m only two (sorry – three!) sentences in and already I can feel the knowledge rushing into my body from my brain, bubblingly pumping my creative juices which are flowing through my blurry fingers onto the battered keys and onto the thirsty canvas before me for you lucky – but loverleeee - peeps to devour!!!  (SORRY – JUST A LITTLE TYPING/MIND EXERCISE THERE!)

Anyways, how’s it going world?  Hope you’ve had a good summer and feel energised and ready for the new year and an attack on life!  This is the BIG ONE, then?  Year Three!  The final part of the trilogy (starring me…..as me!) – usually the weaker effort in a story but I think this one is going to be of Spielberg proportions and worth waiting for (and I hope to have a five-star review for you at the end of the academic year!)

I feel ok about the year – I havent done as much work as I’d have liked because I’ve been working like a dog as a delivery driver for a well known, upmarket food chain (cough-Waitrose-cough, cough!) taking food to rich peeps in the Sandbanks who shop online – apparantly, it’s the future: computer shopping ‘is amazing – it’s the future!’ (Yeah, but you still need monkeyboys like me bringing it to your doors, twelve bags on each arm – the future, eh?  This is how Terminator started, people: DUH-DUH-DUH-DAH-DAAH!!! PS: how cool does T4 look? PPS: Is Christian Bale just playing iconic fave roles from his childhood?  BATMAN?  JOHN CONNOR?  WHAT’S NEXT??????  THE RETURN OF DANIEL LARUSSO IN KARATE KID 5 [a reboot of the franchise in which Bale goes a step further than The Machinist, when he loses not weight.....but actual physical years and portrays Daniel in a prequel to the original?!?!?!?!!?  DAMN, THAT'S GOLD!!!!! Whatever the man does, I'm sure it'll be good!] )

The job’s been ok – I cant say i’m that happy there at the moment because of my upcoming uni commitments (which WILL demand nearly all my attention – the rest goes to my lovel lady!) but it DID give me an idea for a script which is quite funny (but not as original as I recently thought – still, there’s absolutely no reason why i cant make mine my own: that’s the name of the game, yeah?)

I’m ‘looking forward’ to my dissertation – No, seriously!  I’ve got lots of info for it – some is on it’s way from Waterstones (dont get me started on those muppets – THAT’S for another time!!!)  but I understand how important it is to us and I think I’ve got a preeeety good topic – sorry, i cant give any more info on that (doctor’s orders and i gave scouts honour [not that anyone reads these blogs!] )  However, if anyone does read this blog, as my lovely lady (who’s been there, seen it and done it), I think its really important that we get started on them, folks, ‘cos i think the whole process is like Christmas……it’ll be here and gone before we know it!!! (Scary!)

I’m still a bit concerned about my lack of multi-media skills and, therefore, a job in the future but so is everyone, I suppose!  I think the important thing for this year is to live in the now, the moment…..even to the minute!!! ‘Use them all wisely’ is the message I’m trying to feed myself – not that i’m always hungry for ‘wise words’ but they taste good sometimes, y’know?

I’ve got some ‘initial outlines’ for my Major/Minor Scripts to be in on 8/10/08: to be fair, i’m always a little trepedatious (?) when it comes to ‘script jargon’ and i sometimes need a little clarity on the difference between a ‘step outline’ and a ‘scene breakdown’, etc…..but, honestly, i know some educators who profess to having the same issue now and then – you know who you are!!!  

Anyways, it’s 9.18am on Monday 29th September and i awoke this morning next to the lovely Jen with an aim to do some serious work/planning today (i was going to start the day with a jog to get the blood pumping before the gym tonight but i’ll let you know how that goes tomorrow!)  Just to clear up, for myself, I’m watching a film today for research purposes but not to rip ANYTHING off – we always look around us for inspiration so there’s nothing wrong with that!

I’m really going to try and write a few blogs each week – even if its just to clear my mind or clarify a few trivial thoughts in my mind (which I dont want to bother my lady with!)  I enroll in uni Thursday and I’d like to have at least 3 entries under my belt by then (ooo-er!!!) so lets see how i do!  I’ll keep this site updated with my progress on all fronts – and I hope my tuping gets better (a little ‘typing joke’ there!  Tumbleweed, anyone?)

I’ve spent the summer devising, writing, structuring attempted script ideas – some good, some bad, some very different (for me!) – but I hope I can do this: i mean, two projects on the go at once – and an 8000 word diss. - is a lot to take on (but ‘the world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows’, yeah? THIS is how character is built so let’s see what we’re made of!!!)   

‘Alrigh’?  Much love!’

Laters, maters!

Alex

For anybody specifically interested in modern American film, this book is a very useful tool as it examines films from the mid-Eighties and includes such titles from Top Gun to Thelma and Louise – so you can imagine that it considers the gender roles of the pumped-up, homo-erotic ‘Maverick’ and ‘Iceman’ relationship/rivalry compared to the self-development of Thelma and Louise on their road trip to self-discovery.

The book also examines the roles of racial stereotypes compared to the growth of black actors within film and considers the status of an actor such as Denzel Washington – and his personal rise to stardom in Hollywood – compared to the Latino and Asian actor whose roles are, obviously, more prominent in their own countries.

The book is quite political – and, granted, it’s probably doing a good job here – but it is a little one-dimensional at times with the authors not offering arguments, rather their own opinions.  However, it does offer interviews - and feature analysis – with some directors which is a good insight into their thinking behind the roles of such characters as Julia Roberts’ Pretty  Woman (which is a good character to consider when examining female roles [ie: why is Roberts' most famous role that of a street prostitute compared to Richard Gere's successful, billionaire businessman in the same film?  Does the fact that she manages to change him make her a strong, single woman - or simply a maternal figure for a character who has paternal issues?  What does the film say about the role of the woman in cinema compared to the male actor?)

The text also examines male roles in film in conjunction with the after-effects of war and conflict on such character-driven films (eg: Rambo, Lethal Weapon): the book also offers decent opinion on Michael Douglas' character D-Fens in Falling Down [which, if you havent seen it, is a corker of a film and should definately be watched before reading this text - even if you dont read this text!])

Considering Michael Douglas, the book actually offers a chapter devoted to his films and roles; this isnt a tribute to him but actually examines his roles as the adulteror in Fatal Attraction to the ‘homo-seducer’ in Wall Street to the sexually abused figure in Disclosure; in fact, Disclosure is a good film to consider because of the role-reversal between Douglas and Demi Moore, and the female authors of the book offer considered – and fair – discouse on her character.

The text also takes the opportunity to tackle the rise of the African-American actor in film and suggests – that like their unfortunate, troubled past (ie; slavery, racism and segregation) – the African-American actor has experienced similar difficulties in film by not recieving the same roles and status as a white actor, considering that they have been oppressed by a ‘white, male-dominated Hollywood’ and the black actor has to go through a ‘rites of passage’, if you will.

At this point, the he text also then has the opportunity to examine the excellent – but important – films of Spike Lee, such as Boyz N The Hood and Malcolm X, which, obviously deal successfully with stereotype but also do very well in addressing the iconicity and a viewpoint of black Americans and their role in both the sixties revolutionary – and modern – America.

Considering Identity Politics, Homosexuality and Gender – both in the cinema and in modern society itself – the book, a short read, is an informative one and I would definately recommend it as ‘relevant’ for the Media and Identity module; however, I would back it up with some other texts of a similar nature – which may offer an argument to the ponts and discussions raised in the book – and I would certainly use this text as part of an essay.

Good luck!

But, I think that feeling never goes away – and I don’t think it should!  I finish the second year on a reasonable high, with regards to my grades, but know that I should have done so much better in other areas of the course!  I still hav emy concerns about the future and am becoming increasingly concerned about the prospect of a job (due to my lack of talent on the ol’ multi-media side of life!), but that is something to work on, I suppose!

Roll on October?  Not too sure at the moment – I really need this summer to regenerate my body and mind and hope that the next time  read this I’ll be a lot ore prepared and focused on the new term!

Though they wont read this, I’d like to thank my family, friends, the lecturers, support and and the admin staff at BU (you know who you are), but mostly my Jennifer for all her support and encouragement……….I love you, baby: don’t give up on me – ‘it wont always be like this!’

Good luck everyone – ‘see you in the next life!’

Alex

I cant believe that its nearly the end of the second year!  I struggled financially (and probably will all summer) but had a lot of support from my girlfriend and family and achieved higher grades (so far) than I expected – which I’m over the moon with!

I think I just want to say that we’re nearly ‘there’, people, and if I can get through this ’uni thing’ then so can you!!!

Good luck – love to you all (though I’m the only person who reads this!)

Ax

For those of you who don’t know, Harvey Korman was a comedy actor who starred in countless TV shows (check out the ‘Dentist Chair’ sketch from ‘The Carol Burnett Show’ on You Tube – he’s the guy who cant stop laughing in the chair) and classic films – most notably, the classic ‘Blazing Saddles’ in which he played the treacherous, devious, wonderfully villainous Hedley Lamarr, and the bondage scene in High Anxiety.

I was brought up on these films and, to this day, I still laugh as much at his performance as I did the first time I saw it. 

In respect, Mel Brooks has said “The world is already much more serious without Harvey.”  I agree with this, and, as I write now, I dont think I’ll forget how I felt when I found out he passed – I had genuine tears as you just dont think the smallest things that have influenced you or made you smile – even if you’ve never met them – can die.

But, Harvey will always be in my DVD collection, will always make me laugh and will always be remembered with ‘comedic disdain’ for Hedley…..but will always get one of the most genuine, hearty laughs I think I can ever produce for a man simply sitting in a Dentist’s Chair.

Thank you, Harvey.  God bless.  Sweet dreams…..and keep laughing.

R.I.P – H.K.

X

To be computer-literate would be great but it’s one of those things – like heights or maths - that I don’t think I’ll ever get used to (and I’m not too sure that I care sometimes!)

So, you can imagine my concern when I found out that media companies are condensing jobs within their companies for multi-skilled workers who can film, edit, write, work sound, etc.  What hope do I have?  I’m trying to be a scriptwriter (which is hard enough when you have to think that my job is coming up with fresh, original ideas) and which, for me, means me sitting in front of a computer (or at a desk with a notepad, pen and my brain) which I accept.

But, to find out that I have to be multi-skilled to work in the industry (and be ‘interactive’ – which really pisses me off!!!) leaves me shittin’ in my shorts sometimes!    I’m in uni, doing my scriptwriting course, and we ONLY write scripts (occasionally) and I just wonder if the uni should put in a lot of workshops which will train me in multi-media areas so I can get a background in the forms to put on my CV (so I may get a job interview and stand a chance against an interactive student!)

It’s a grumble, I know, but a genuine concern for the future – I mean, should I bring it to the uni’s attention?  But if I do – and the uni change the syllabus in the near future – then I’ll be up against students who aren’t even on my course yet and they’ll get jobs instead of me (‘chicken and egg’ situation – or ‘pen and computer?’  WHICH COMES FIRST, PEOPLE – DOES ANYBODY CARE???  IS THERE ANY POINT?) 

If anybody ever reads this, let me know your thoughts; I cant handle any more education at the mo and I want a job very….very………….soon!

Love you all! x

I dont know if you can tell by the letters but if you were on the recieving end of these keys you’d meet one despondant film-fan.  Yeah, I’ve seen the new Indy4 flick…..I was hungry (yet satisfied with the trilogy) for another, and just as my rumbling tum started to sing they put another Indy feature on the menu……….AND WHAT A STEAMING TURDBURGER THEY SERVED UP FOR ME TO CHEW ON!!!  

I tell you what, I was brought up on Spielberg films and, when I wasnt ankle-biting, I was dreaming of being a Director like the man himself – even after years of working in retail after my Alevels I STILL had an ambition to do something media related so I could ‘bump’ into Stevie Baby one day and we’d embrace (in the creative way, mind!) and I’d live happily ever after in the land with the big white letters on the hill! (happy days!)

BUT NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  STEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  INDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   WHY??????????????????????????????????????

The film was so bad, people.  They left the third on such an iconic scene and surely the story was complete (for us, anyway – and Indy went off on some other adventures, cracked a whip, shot a swordsman and shit himself at snakes: happy times!) but, as Ice Cube states in Friday: “Peer pressure is a mothafucka!” (Even for Steve almighty!) and he bowed, Lucas produced…..but Ford didnt turn up for work!

Seriously, there are soooo many things wrong: the script was so easy, convenient and lacked the intensity, mystery and spectre of the others – after no audience-hook, the build up was slow and turgid (with so much exposition that Mutt wasnt the only one falling asleep at Indy’s inane ramblings at an attempt to bring us up to speed – I was even expecting an Austin Powers wink at the screen to make sure we were ‘keeping up with the Jones’.') and there was no pay-off!!! 

Yeah, there was THAT scene at the end but, without giving too much away for you ‘lucky peeps’ who havent seen it, the film seemed ‘a little alien’ to me!  I quite liked the character of Mutt (played extremely competently by a shining Shia LeBoeuf) but his good moments as prodigy were outdone by bad, OTT stunts, poor dialogue in the end and a hefty slice of movie-cheese to go on the turdburger!

After apparent countless script submissions and rewrites over the last 8 years you wouldnt be excused for expecting the world in this ‘ultimate Indy film’ and it WAS good to see Karen Allen back as Marion Ravenwood – but it was not the woman who gave Henry Jones the knuckle-sandwich in the first: yeah, she was a mother (to Mutt) these days but she reminded me more of a soppy, half-soaked Goldie Hawn type-character than the hard-ass we loved: surely, there was an element of Raiders still lurking there???  Um…..no!

The cast was impressive: Cate Blanchett, John Hurt, the uber-cool Ray Winstone, Shia, Karen (and, unfortunately, even Janitor in Scrubs and the man who will ALWAYS be Jim Robinson from Neighbours to me showing face) but their talents were completely mis-used – Hurt was simply rambling exposition, Blanchett looked the part but they failed to maximise her AMAZING talent and character potential, whereas Harrison Ford just didnt turn up for work (the hat may still fit but I dont think there was too much going on under there!)

Anyway, I cant be bothered to write anymore so I’m going to eat a lovingly prepared fish-finger sandwich.  See you in the next life…..or at my 2pence review of…..uh,….. ’Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Classic Comeback?’

Love to you all. x